"I can’t wait to age because it means I get to look like my mother. I look forward to the day I have the same crinkles beneath her eyes. Her body and mine exist to keep us alive, so we can love people and experience life for as little as we have it." This was beautiful, Haaniyah. Thanks for sharing it <3
I saw a tiktok a few weeks ago about a girl who mentioned to her mom that she was starting to get fine lines around her eyes and her mom’s response was simply, “it’s becoming.” it was the first (maybe only?) thing I’ve seen on social media recently that was at all aging-neutral or aging-positive. over the holidays I was looking at old photos of me and for once felt like looking older was in fact becoming. I would love to see what our lives could look like if we stopped trying to stop aging
Thank you for writing this Haaniyah. You accurately summarized the nuances of desirability and beauty, and how they change over time. This really resonated with me. I really struggled with body image last year more than any other year. This year I’m also trying to love myself more and hate my body less whether others view me as desirable or not. It’s hard but I owe it to myself to try
This newsletter is a gift. I won't overthink my response. I entered this new year with these thoughts. I thought I’d never share them publicly because I wasn't interested in being debated, but I had to respond to this. I am thin and have never struggled with weight gain, but I know the violence that comes with not being seen as desirable because I am dark-skinned, a young mother, and refuse to ascribe to specific beauty standards. When I date, I oscillate between resenting the performance of beauty to get a match while rejecting all of it because it keeps me questioning my selfhood. I finally deleted the apps. When I turned 30 in May, one thing was sure: I didn't want to be beautiful. It is too laborious, and the rules continue to change, so it is fruitless. As you said, there are more important things: to love, grow older, and inherit the likeness of the women in our families and to nurture.
Thank you for sharing it. I will share it with more people! ❤️
I love you, Haaniyah! You are brilliant and have a beautiful soul. Thank you for sharing this relatable post with us; it really warmed my heart, and I can't wait to read more of your work this year! I can't wait to age too and have wrinkles and fine lines!
"The older I get, the more exhausted I become with the world. This seems like a natural progression, I suppose, but I often wonder how much of this exhaustion comes from the fact I’m repeatedly being told how much I’m meant to hate myself." ---> YES YES YESSSSS <3
Haaniyah your writing is a gift and so well timed. I was just starting to fall into the trap of feeling insecure, saving up for XYZ procedure, “preparing” for the aging doomsday… I really needed to read this. Thank you
yes! this time of year is pretty much the worst in terms of the relentless anti-aging brigade and diet culture. it is so exhausting and so consuming and i'm just like...okay so will this all just continue to feel worse and worse as i get older? i actually just posted a piece today over on my page about how the pandemic and tik tok have made me freak out over the prospect of losing my youth - let me know if you check it out!
"you are meant to be everything and yet nothing" !!!!!
this is wonderfully written
"I can’t wait to age because it means I get to look like my mother. I look forward to the day I have the same crinkles beneath her eyes. Her body and mine exist to keep us alive, so we can love people and experience life for as little as we have it." This was beautiful, Haaniyah. Thanks for sharing it <3
I saw a tiktok a few weeks ago about a girl who mentioned to her mom that she was starting to get fine lines around her eyes and her mom’s response was simply, “it’s becoming.” it was the first (maybe only?) thing I’ve seen on social media recently that was at all aging-neutral or aging-positive. over the holidays I was looking at old photos of me and for once felt like looking older was in fact becoming. I would love to see what our lives could look like if we stopped trying to stop aging
Thank you for writing this Haaniyah. You accurately summarized the nuances of desirability and beauty, and how they change over time. This really resonated with me. I really struggled with body image last year more than any other year. This year I’m also trying to love myself more and hate my body less whether others view me as desirable or not. It’s hard but I owe it to myself to try
I cannot wait to get gray hair, it’s gonna look so cool!
sooo good !! working on a similar piece right now and love your thoughts and perspectives as always
i love this a lot and i can’t wait to look like my mother too.
This newsletter is a gift. I won't overthink my response. I entered this new year with these thoughts. I thought I’d never share them publicly because I wasn't interested in being debated, but I had to respond to this. I am thin and have never struggled with weight gain, but I know the violence that comes with not being seen as desirable because I am dark-skinned, a young mother, and refuse to ascribe to specific beauty standards. When I date, I oscillate between resenting the performance of beauty to get a match while rejecting all of it because it keeps me questioning my selfhood. I finally deleted the apps. When I turned 30 in May, one thing was sure: I didn't want to be beautiful. It is too laborious, and the rules continue to change, so it is fruitless. As you said, there are more important things: to love, grow older, and inherit the likeness of the women in our families and to nurture.
Thank you for sharing it. I will share it with more people! ❤️
I love you, Haaniyah! You are brilliant and have a beautiful soul. Thank you for sharing this relatable post with us; it really warmed my heart, and I can't wait to read more of your work this year! I can't wait to age too and have wrinkles and fine lines!
"The older I get, the more exhausted I become with the world. This seems like a natural progression, I suppose, but I often wonder how much of this exhaustion comes from the fact I’m repeatedly being told how much I’m meant to hate myself." ---> YES YES YESSSSS <3
“The older I get, the more exhausted I become with the world.” you explain life so beautifully 🤎
Haaniyah your writing is a gift and so well timed. I was just starting to fall into the trap of feeling insecure, saving up for XYZ procedure, “preparing” for the aging doomsday… I really needed to read this. Thank you
yes! this time of year is pretty much the worst in terms of the relentless anti-aging brigade and diet culture. it is so exhausting and so consuming and i'm just like...okay so will this all just continue to feel worse and worse as i get older? i actually just posted a piece today over on my page about how the pandemic and tik tok have made me freak out over the prospect of losing my youth - let me know if you check it out!
thank you for this.
such an incredible piece ❤️